Flight Troubles…and How Disney Princesses and Villains Might Handle Them
14th Jun 2012
Being somewhat claustrophobic and a mild germophobe (if there is such a thing) has created a little anxiety for me when flying. I like to fly because I like getting wherever I am going in the fastest way possible. I would just prefer it if no one had to breathe next to me or sit quite that close to me. Things being what they are, that is just something I have to deal with.
I consider myself to be a considerate flyer. I will even keep from going to the bathroom during the whole trip if I have to make others move to get into the aisle. A little ridiculous probably but, again, it is what it is.
I have been pretty blessed to sit next to some really considerate people during my recent travels. I could tell they were as conscientious as I am about keeping to their own space and being considerate. But some people are not so considerate and there are all kinds we sometimes have to deal with.
I booked our flight yesterday for our upcoming trip to Walt Disney World. It brought on a little anxiety about the not-so-considerate flyers and who we might run across. So, today I am going to talk about the less considerate traveler and how any good Disney princess would handle them. I will also give you a jolt of Villain in the process.
My tiny little seat is not the most comfortable space for me to sit for hours on end. Still, I paid for one seat and that is all I deserve. Unlike me, there are sometimes people who purchased one seat but decided they deserve the whole row. Sometimes their arm is on top of mine, sometimes their feet are on my little portion of carpet, but hair on me is the worst! I actually will spaz if someone’s hair is touching my arm and rubbing up and down.
A Disney princess with all her poise would handle the situation thusly. She would either a) compact herself even more into her tiny little seat, b) place her feet on top of each other to provide more room for the space hoarder, c) ask him or her ever so nicely if they wouldn’t possibly mind moving just a tad so as to give her just a smidgen more room.
Villain’s Choice: Elbow the guy, kick the foot away and spread out. Worst case, cut that piece of hair that keeps rubbing on you.
I cannot even describe to you how freaked out I was when I sat next to a man that had a hacking cough and kept blowing his nose. The strange thing was he was absolutely fine until about 25 minutes into the flight, then it was like his sinuses went into overtime. I felt really sorry for him but every time he sneezed or coughed I swear I could see the germs coming up my nose.
A Disney Princess would, of course, have Kleenex and medicines right inside her bag to make him all better. If she didn’t, she would handle it thusly: a) go find the flight attendant to seek out any help possible for this man, b) offer to move, just in case he might be allergic to her perfume, c) offer him some antibacterial lotion and a hug, d) offer him water to keep him hydrated, or e) call in the fairy godmother for a spell to cure him.
Villain’s Choice: Tell him to move. Push him out of the row if you have to. At the very least put a mask on him.
I am not devoid of sweating. I mean, if I am working outside I am soon drenched. Deodorant is one of life’s most important inventions, in my humble opinion. I put it on every morning after my shower. Sometimes I add some later in the day. Not everyone understands the importance of deodorant. Those who don’t understand its importance may find their way to the seat next to you on a closed in airplane in tight, tiny quarters. If this happens to you, I am sorry.
Here is how a Disney Princess would handle it: a) turn the overhead air in smellypants’ direction. This would make him or her be able to enjoy their own scent. b) go to the restroom and find some air freshener to spray onto her clothing hoping that it might camouflage the smell for the rest of the flight, c) pretend to be a millionairesse who owns a large deodorant factory and provide her neighbor with free samples and a demonstration.
Villain’s Choice: Make sure you have a clothespin in your carry-on. Stick that bad boy right onto your nose and then hold your cell phone out to get a picture of you and smellypants to post onto facebook with the title “Flying with the winner of the Smelliest Passenger Award.”
Cold & Toasty
Flying back from Las Vegas after a big football, or any sport, weekend. Sometimes the rubbing alcohol has flowed too smoothly and suddenly someone thinks he is the life of the party. Speaking in decibels louder than any individual on the planet, guess where he is sitting? Yep, right next to you. The flight attendant comes to take the drink order and, guess what, he orders another. Oh, and there is nothing like several hours of liquor breath in your face to say welcome home.
A good Disney Princess would, of course: a) offer to buy him a snack, b) suggest that the coffee on the plane is the best she has ever tasted in her life and that he should try some, c) smile and hold her breath for the entirety of the flight, d) put her headphones on and listen to some enchanting music to drown out the loud language, or e) when desperate enough might ask if there is any way the flight attendant can intervene kindly on her behalf as the language has become slightly unbearable.
Villain’s Choice: Punch the guy out and drag him to the back of the plane where he can sleep it off until you land.
First off, no I don’t have any issues at all with soccer players. That is, unless they are small soccer players who think the back of my seat is the ball. Well-meaning parents not wanting to make a scene, thus producing a screaming child, will just sit there and let that child kick that seat into oblivion if it will keep her quiet.
A fair and noble Disney Princess would simply smile at the sweet child and she would, at the mere sight of her, stop kicking the chair. If the smile didn’t work, she would a) offer to play a game of musical chairs with the child and thereby offer herself a chance for the child to end up in the seat in front of her instead, b) offer the child a beautifully-colored and huge lollipop in exchange for her stopping the kicking, or c) again call in the fairy godmother for a little bitty spell.
Villain’s Choice: Lean the seat all the way back and reach the arms overhead forcing the space to be non-conducive for kicking meanwhile forming his hands in a choking pattern as a passive-aggressive threat. If that didn’t work, tell the parent to stop that kicking or else.
Please know that I wrote the villain’s part in humor. I pictured Jafar and had a little fun with it. I love people, all people, especially kids. I certainly wouldn’t harm anyone – no matter how freaked out I got.